The few inbetween

It's getting closer and closer till Zack comes home. Oh boy am I ready. In the beginning I felt excited because that's money to pay off our credit card (which is only for emergencies or plane tickets) our TV,  mattress and my student loan (which we did... cue the happy dance) but there is a lot of anxiety, what if's and the unknowns (HATE the unknowns) that you feel before they leave. I know for Zack and I, the past 2 deployments we would kind of distance ourselves a month before he left, and we would get into fights about silly things. This deployment I had to pack up the house pretty much by myself. He work 12 on 12 off (12 hrs of working straight, sometimes 13hrs) which meant when I got off work of my part time job I had to go straight into packing up our 2 story house, which was a fight all its own. On the weekends him and his friend would fix up his truck so he could sell it, which seemed like a month of them taking it apart, cleaning everything and rhino lining the bed of the truck. I was getting very annoyed, sometimes I even caught myself saying "will you just deploy already?", then leave to go to the gym or work. That sounds horrible but the hole situation was very stressful and this was his 3rd deployment; I was over him leaving me for 10+ months at a time... I just wanted HIM! The last week was emotional on another level... kind of felt like a break up. I was packing my stuff, he was hauling it all away, and we were hardly talking. My heart ached. After he left I was at the house cleaning up everything... again I was stressed out because not everything got done the night before and I felt like he left me with EVERYTHING, I just broke down and started crying while cleaning. It wasn't fair I felt, I had to clean the hole house, I had to make the last minute storage unit runs, I had to sign back over the house, I had to take care of the animals now by myself, and I had to move to another state that I've never been too (I was moving to NJ with my dad). I felt alone and miserable and no one in the world could ever possibly know how I was feeling.

*Let me tell you, everything you feel is perfectly normal even if you feel alone, there are thousands of spouses and significant others who are going through the same thing as you.

After I got on the road I was doing ok, I got to see my family and I was ready for this new adventure! As the months progressed I got a job, made a friend or two and hung out with all my family up here in NJ. I was having a good time, hated my job, but having a good time. I got on a new schedule day to day, visited my sister in CT a few times, and met up with a few military friends who were in NYC, so, we got to hang out all day and have dinner. I went on a train for the first time, went on the subway, took a million pictures, met a few celebrities, went to a live showing of a tv show, and saw time square... life was good

Such a beautiful city

Kelly Ripa

Michael Straham

 1st subway ride 

 Grand Central Station

 Christmas tree

 Time square

 My friends I met up with

 Fathers girlfriend and I on the FAO piano floor

Family friend works as the manager so we got to try all sorts of goodies :D

 

*Sometimes I felt guilty that I was having fun and couldn't email Zack right off the bat but that's perfectly normal too. They want you to have a life while they aren't there, they love hearing stories from you... they are living through you!

 I felt a few times I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs... I tried to pay the bills and one time I needed to talk to the company and they refuse to talk to me because I'm not on all the accounts just yet, So I couldn't get anything done that I need to because its a hassle driving 20 minutes to the library or staples to fax over my POA in a busy town. His 2nd deployment I was trying to buy a car and I faxed over the wrong POA (I faxed the housing POA first) and I got red flagged, so even when I faxed over the correct POA they wouldn't help me. When calling navy federal, your POA only last 24 hours so I had to constantly send them the POA. Finally, after yelling and screaming and calling them a thousand times I gave up and just drove with my sister in law to Miami (3 hrs away was the nearest navy fed from my house in FL) walked in, showed them my ID and POA and then got the loan right then and there.... I wish I would have done that first. That was a ruff week and my husband wasn't able to call because he was on a boat with 3,000 people and 2 working phones.

Coming up to the last couple of months of deployment is ruff again. I miss him like crazy and we only have a few months standing in our way. Today was my last day of work. My mom and sister are coming up from FL to help me move back to NC. Im so excited... the quicker we move back the quicker he comes home. I am so irritable right now; Everything makes me mad or upset. I am such a happy person so this isn't in my character to act like this. I just want to sleep all day and never get out of my bed.

Sister and I in central park

 

On the way home to NC we stopped at Washing DC for a few days. It was A LOT of fun!!

 



 

 

 Easter egg hunt at the White House

 Science museum

 Hope Diamond

 My beautiful mom

Pretty church with all the Cherry blossoms

 



*It is crucial to keep your self busy; the busier you are the less time you have to think about your situation. that's the key... ALWAYS stay busy, time will go by fast and you'll spend less time thinking about him. Its ok to not think about him every two seconds, I promise!

*Don't ever feel guilty for any of these feelings. This is all the process of deployment. When he comes back, its normal to say things like MY stuff, MY house, MY kids etc. you spend the last X amount of months fending for yourself, making a new schedule/routine, and doing things by yourself. Just remember that it will pass and you'll have a new routine INCLUDING your significant other. Remember he will be stressed and not the same when he comes back, just as you wont be the same to him either. It will take some time but everything will be ok! Keep your chin up and there are numerous way to fix that and people who are willing to help you and talk to you after deployments. Talk to your FRO (family readiness officer) and they will help you with any feeling that your feeling or any thought that you have. They've heard everything, don't be afraid to express your thoughts and feelings, they will help! Also, if possible try and surround yourself by family and friends during this time, even though they might not know what you are feeling, they will listen and that's what you need to do, talk about it, be open with yourself!


I found this online and it breaks it down for you

If you have any question, comments, or a story please let me know :)

Love you all,